Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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