It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
