Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
