went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
