It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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