Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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