now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
