Screwed.edu
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
