Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
