This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
