I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
