you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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