I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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