peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
