If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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