I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
