You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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