I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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