Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
