mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
