and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
