Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so let's talk penis.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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