So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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