im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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