Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Houston, we have a blender
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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