Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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