I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
