Please, let me fuck your mom
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
