Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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