I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
