Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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