I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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