On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
