mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
