The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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