I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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