from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
