I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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