i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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