I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
