I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
