i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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