DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
