one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
