So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
