I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
