her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He better not be in your backpack
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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