I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
