You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
