i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
