u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
