Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
