just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
