worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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