Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
