Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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