my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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