so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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