I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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