i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
