i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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