I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
