Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
