Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
