Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
