Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
