Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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