my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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