dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
where are you?
Hypothermia
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
