is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
