She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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