I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
