Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
