New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
